In a previous article, we talked about healing for a betrayed spouse. Infidelity leaves a scar on both individuals’ hearts. Two partners are like two sides of the same coin, each with equal importance.

In this blog, we will look at healing for an unfaithful spouse and some things for them to consider:

1. Investigate your personal emotions and rationales for having an affair:
   Consider whether it was an emotional connection, sexual desire, or a contemplative decision based on previous trauma or experience. Examine what was missing in your connection with your spouse and decide whether you can discuss it with them to improve it when both of you are ready.
2. Take your time before making any decisions:
   Typically, the disclosure of an affair pushes us to either save or end the marriage. Sit with your emotions and acknowledge them. If necessary, get professional assistance to examine and regulate your emotions with coping strategies.
3. Communicate with your partner:
   If you’ve chosen to end your marriage, communicate with your partner. Communicate your thoughts and show respect to your partner by being open about your actions.Give your partner a secure area to share their feelings. Begin by listening to and observing your partner’s emotions, showing empathy and compassion. Give empathetic validation and your support for healing. Try to be accessible to answer your partner’s questions openly. Observe your partner’s triggers and be prepared to comfort them if any arise, but be mindful to speak in a caring manner rather than simply satisfying your spouse by saying what you think they want to hear.
4. Focus on your healing:
   If you have decided to stay in the relationship, it is essential that you heal. Acceptance is an important stage in the healing process. Be accountable for your actions. First and foremost, stop all communication with the individual with whom you had an affair. Practice forgiving yourself first and apologizing to your partner.
5. Recognize the emotional distress:
   It is important to recognize the emotional distress produced by the affair for both you and your partner. The feeling of guilt might be overwhelming. You may repeatedly apologize to your partner, yet you may not receive forgiveness.Discuss each other’s expectations for the healing process. Make persistent attempts to meet each other’s expectations of healing. Spending more quality time with your partner, planning date nights, reminiscing about pleasant experiences with them, highlighting their positive attributes, and recognizing their contributions to the family and relationship will provide security for them.
6. Actions speak louder than words:
   Try to seize any opportunity to express your affection and empathy.
   Rebuilding trust is a difficult process especially after an affair. It will require a tremendous commitment from both individuals.
7. Re-establish trust around electronic devices:
   Electronic devices play a role in today’s time. To rebuild trust, be transparent while making electronic devices available to your partner. To give security, have regular check-ins with your spouse regarding your day. Communicate boundaries with your partner. It is critical that you both respect one other’s boundaries and dignity. Communicate with your spouse about their expectations in order to rebuild trust. Communicate your efforts and hopes to re-establish trust.
8. Focus on self-care:
   It is critical to care for yourself in order to heal and help your partner’s healing process. Take care of oneself by doing physical activities like walking, yoga, talking to a friend or relative, and pursuing interests.
9. Try not to overburden yourself with guilt:
   Be kind with yourself,  acknowledge the past and concentrate on the present and the future.
10. Consider getting the support of a trained mental health professional:
    Consider seeking professional help through couple’s and/or individual counselling to help you heal. Couples counseling will give you a safe area to express your emotions, establish healthy communication, and rebuild trust towards the journey of healing and happiness.This article was written by Registered Social Worker, Tanvi Dave. Tanvi provides support to couples as they navigate challenges within their relationship. For more information about Tanvi and if she can help you, reach out to us at 519.751.0728 or email pathwaystohopebrant@gmail.com.